The pain of being a perfectionist...

"Perfectionist".

What comes to your mind first, when you hear this word?? Diligence? discipline? dedication?? A natural awe for such a person??

Or, are characteristics like haughtiness, conceit or difficult-to-get-along-with some of the things you would associate with a person who you know is / tries to be one such??

Although i confess, that i don't see myself as a perfectionist (even i cut corners a lot of times :-) ), i do set very high standards for myself - be it any kind of task - and strive to achieve them. Some wise man has said "never judge a person by your principles, but judge him by his own" But then, its human nature, that we tend to see the world through the glasses of our own principles. Even a person who is cognizant of this fact, is often, if not always, not an exception to this.

I, from my own experience have had several instances when i've actually felt sad of this attitude of mine to try and achieve high standards. This seldom has anything to with yourself and more, with what you try to "impose" on others. When you begin, to expect similar standards from people around you, forgetting that they might not be as capable of you to do it, and you admonish or chide them for it, it breeds a lot of resentment in the other person, and he may even show it to you. And several times, he does. Not just that, this happens even if you are setting different standards from them, which may actually be lower than those of your own. So who is the culprit here??

Its none other than human ego - a very dominant part of a person's character. It is this ego, which makes it difficult for him accept a mistake or under-performance, even though, deep inside, he knows it himself. And many times, it also makes him so resolute, that he tries to defend himself, convinces himself that he is not at fault, and makes a conscious effort not to improve himself.

The other facet of this, is that when a perfectionist attempts to point out mistakes in a person, it creates even more frustration, because the person listens to several complaints from him, but cannot find enough faults in the perfectionist, to satisfy his ego.

Having faced such situations many times with none other than my most loved ones, i'm slowly learning to avoid pointing as many mistakes, or learning to use grossly euphemistic ways to do the same... and i hope, i will adapt soon. Cause, sincerely, i look to put the point across to that person, than to score a point against him.

(Almost) Perfectly yours,
dasi :-)